Switch!
by Angel Sacrifice
Summary: What happens when the crew of the Lexx hit an unusual fluctuation in space that causes them all to switch bodies? Well... this happens!


Switch!  
  
Valdron's Handy Dandy Disclaimer:  
  
LEXX, the series, concepts and characters, are the property, copyright and trademark of Salter Street Films. No ownership or claim on said property, copyright or trademark is made or implied by the use in this work. This work constitutes a personal comment on the aforesaid properties pursuant to doctrines of fair use and fair comment. This work is non-commercial, not for sale or profit, and may not be sold or reproduced for commercial purposes.  
  
  
  
//Set a short time after the episode "The Key". They go and get Xev, but after that they don't go straight to Garden.  
  
What happens when the crew of the Lexx hit an unusual fluctuation in space that causes them all to switch bodies? Well... this happens! (Idea shamelessly nicked from an episode of Farscape I saw recently. Only this being Lexx, it's even more bizarre.)  
  
The person who is "inside" the physical body of each character is indicated by square brackets.//  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Prince watched Stan, Xev and 790 head up from Fire back into the Lexx, and then promptly killed himself with a dagger. He reappeared on board the Lexx before any of them got back, and hid away from view. This time – he *would* get the Key! And he'd keep it permanently. He'd play their parts more subtly; make his true nature less obvious. He'd escape before that dead man could kill him. He heard the moth approach and ducked back into the shadows.  
  
"Ok Stan, let's see if we can get the Lexx to move." Xev said. "We don't want to be around when Prince tries to get us again. Did you *really* really sleep with him?" she asked, still in disbelief.  
  
"Hey!" Stan said. "I thought he was you! Although I should have known it wasn't you, because *you* would never get over whatever grudge you have against me."  
  
"I don't have a grudge against you Stan," said Xev, "I just don't feel attracted to you."  
  
"Even though you're attracted to every other man in the two universes?" Stan demanded. Xev smiled sweetly and shrugged.  
  
"Sorry" she said. Stan scowled, and stepped up to the captain's place on the Lexx.  
  
"Lexx, can you take us away from Fire – please!" he asked.  
  
"I am still very hungry, but I will try and move away from here, captain." Stan smiled, and stepped down. Kai walked away to try and return to Cryostasis. Suddenly, though, there was a loud echoing boom and the whole Lexx shuddered violently. Everyone fell to the floor, including Prince. The Lexx stopped moving. Within the minute, Kai had opened his eyes once again, and stood up. The others appeared to be coming to, and Stan walked out from the corner where he'd been hiding.  
  
"How did I get over there?" Stan frowned, as he walked out into the main part of the ship. Everyone else just stared at him. Xev looked at him coldly.  
  
"Prince" she said, and lifted her arm, wrist facing upwards, palm facing him. Then she looked down, frowning slightly at her arm.  
  
"Odd" said Kai, looking down at his clothes. "I don't remember taking this form..."  
  
"What's going on!" asked Stan, and then stumbled back when he saw himself staring back at him. He looked down at what he was wearing. "Oh, no, no, no..." he repeated, "these are Prince's clothes! This is Prince's body!"  
  
"I think there was a slight fluctuation in the space surrounding these planets" said Xev [Kai], "it seems that in the way the planets house the spirits, they were also able to displace them temporarily in the living."  
  
"Oh, not just the living." Kai [Prince] corrected him, stepping forwards. "It's done this to all of us - you, me, 790 included. It was a strong patch of energy we passed through... I think it may have something to do with my presence on the Lexx. I am unable to travel far from the planet Fire."  
  
"Prince." Xev [Kai] stated, correctly this time. "Tell us how to return to our own bodies."  
  
"Oh, I would, believe me," Kai [Prince] said, "this body is far too stiff and cold for my liking. But I don't know how."  
  
"Hey, hey, hold on a second..." Prince [Stan] stepped forwards, "where's Xev?" They all looked around. A defeated sounding voice spoke up from the robot head.  
  
"I'm here."  
  
"Oh, happy day!" Stan [790] exclaimed. "The space slut is imprisoned in my mechanical head, while I have a body with which I can make love to my dead true love!" He looked at Kai [Prince], then at Xev [Kai] and considered who it was he loved more. Eventually he decided to go to the latter. "It doesn't matter what body you're in Kai, I'll love you and only you. We'll just need to get you back in your gorgeous body and everything will be fine." Xev tilted her head a little to the side.  
  
"790" she said, in a tone slightly deeper than she usually talked, but still clearly her own voice, "I think it would be wise for us all to return to our usual bodies."  
  
"What!" Stan [790] exclaimed, throwing arms around Xev [Kai]. "Oh, please, Kai – let me love you! If only just for today! I promise I'll help us find a way back to our original bodies after that."  
  
"It is not my body to use as I please." Xev [Kai] said.  
  
"Well Xev doesn't mind!" Stan [790] protested. "She's used it non stop whenever we've come to a planet with men on it! And while the body might still look sluttish and ugly..."  
  
"Hey!" said the robot head.  
  
"I know it's you inside, and I live to make you happy!" Stan [790] finished.  
  
"This is very unusual." Kai [Prince] commented, with a smirk.  
  
"Shut up, Prince." Prince [Stan] said angrily. "This is all your fault! If it wasn't for you, none of this would have happened! I think we should just throw you off the Lexx right now and leave!"  
  
"No, Stan," said 790 [Xev], "we can't do that, Kai's body would be lost! And you'd be stuck as Prince and I'd be stuck in this robot head!"  
  
"I don't care, he's evil!" Prince [Stan] said, then considered. He didn't really want to be stuck in this body forever, and if Kai was permanently stuck in Xev's body, then he'd never *ever* have a chance with her. "Well... I mean, we get our own bodies back, and then the first thing that we do is throw Prince off. Ok?"  
  
"Right." 790 [Xev] agreed.  
  
"Well we're not going anywhere until Xev agrees that I can make love to Kai in her body." Stan [790] said adamantly. "I have the Key, remember?"  
  
"No!" 790 [Xev] said. "I might have said yes to someone else, but I *really* don't like you 790!"  
  
"You're just jealous because you want me to be in love with you, as I *allegedly* was before." Stan [790] said. "Can't you allow the dead man a single moment of true pleasure?" 790 [Xev] scowled.  
  
"Well only if you promise you'll drive and let us navigate, ok?" she asked. Stan [790] leapt with joy.  
  
"Hooray! Of course, I don't even care where we go as long as I can be with Kai..." he grabbed Xev [Kai] by the hand and pulled her away as fast as he could to the nearest bedroom.  
  
"That robot head is very messed up" commented Prince [Stan] as he watched them go, shaking his head in bewilderment. Then suddenly the sound of a brace being fired was heard. He spun around quickly. "Uh oh."  
  
"Where'd he go?" 790 [Xev] asked, looking alarmed. "Go get me a scooter or something, we have to find Prince!" Prince [Stan] nodded and complied. 


End file.
